Hush, before you speak it,
For I've no need to hear
What is already told,
That I've seen in your eyes,
When without a disguise,
Your soul to mine,
Hush, for you need not defend,
When you know I am yours
And I've already heard,
From the earth to the moon,
From without and inside,
Where we just cannot hide
From one another,
I know, Love.
Hush, I know.
For Michael, from DM ~
'Innocence, I Know'
(c) May 13, 2013
May 14, 2013
May 12, 2013
[Note: Sorry I haven't finished the "Bad Tour" posts! I will, I promise. Just been busy!]
A couple of years ago I had a realization that I am actually one of your kids. I declared myself yours around my 12th birthday, after all. Although I thought of myself as nearly grown up (lol), twelve is still a child! When you felt for 'your babies' around the world, I used to be one of them. That was a nice thought. I love being yours.
And when I was scared and alone during a brief stay in a foster home, YOU were my salvation. I wasn't allowed to contact friends or family, but I had you in my heart. I remember lying in that bedroom, silently crying and reaching out to you in desperation, "Michael, I know you don't know me, but I'm only 13, a fan, and I'm in an awful mess right now. Can you hug me? I'm scared." And although some would say it's crazy, my other friends will know it's true... you were there. When I wanted to leave this planet some months later, again, it was you ... your words, your voice, that saved me. Was I seeking a friend? Or did I need a third parent in those moments? I'm understanding it was both.
And it's been you, in the more traditionally maternal role, who's been working on my ability to feel, be caring and to express love, compassion and affection all these years. I made a vow as a child that no one would ever see me cry. I used to be asked, through tears, "Don't you FEEL anything?! You're just so cold!" by more emotional types. (Thanks, Capricorn Moon. The answer is yes, of course, but I tend to freeze up.) But Michael ... geesh... you had me crying and emoting when there wasn't much to cry or emote about yet! Because of you and your emotional exuberance about E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, that was the first movie I allowed myself to publicly weep at when I saw it the first time during its theatrical re-release in '85. I let the story into my heart because in so doing I was communing with you! And we're not even going to talk about my shaking and crying my eyes out at the Bad concert a few years later, lol!
Through loving you, growing up with you, crying with you, becoming an adult with you, I've gone through so much, and directly because of YOUR encouragement (by just being who you are) I've learned that it's okay to feel and say "I love you". It's okay to say those things. It's okay to express it. In fact, we should! Even if it's still difficult for me, little by little the bricks crumble while you stand to the side like a parent, smiling at each little triumph. And when I've needed arms to hold me, you've so often been there, with the deepest comfort I've ever felt. You even made me a bowl of split-pea soup in a dream, lol. And then there was that past life (?) glimpse of being your baby, but I'll leave that for now.
In astrology, it's common to lose a parent during certain transits, like major planets on angles. The day you died I had that, plus a massive Pluto conjunct Moon transit had just begun. The moon, of course, represents the mother principle, and in my chart, the moon's ruler is conjunct the 4th house cusp, which also represents one's mother. These things showed the dangerous/likely possibility of losing a parent, particularly one's mother. And I did: YOU. Right in cosmic timing. (*Knocks strongly on wood and prays for the other two*, whose influence I'm not trying to downplay.) This is probably one reason the mourning has been so deep, so total, so incomprehensible. I lost you, for whom love is unfathomably deep, and also a parent at the same time.
So, Beloved, having you right there looking out to me from every inch of my bedroom walls growing up, you being my comfort in the worst times, and your constant emotional mentoring... it's all right there. I could ramble on for pages, but suffice it to say, you have been and continue to be a mothering spiritual being to me. But then, you're also my friend, my lover, my brother, my guru, my ... oh heck, Michael, you're EVERYTHING. And I love you. Happy Mother's Day from one of your kids. Always.
March 23, 2013
|Seating at McNichols was like this for section DDD|
I made myself a special calendar to count down to the best day ever. I marked off each day and had a HOURS countdown after a while. That's right... you'll see on each day there are the number of hours (at noon) until the moment my eyes would behold my Beloved! ♥
NEXT: Part 3 to be posted soon ... CONCERT DAY!
News articles and TV reports to be posted as well :)
PREVIOUS: Part 1: OMG, Tickets to see Michael Jackson!
March 22, 2013
NEXT: Part 2: Countdown to Bliss
On June 28, 1987, two months before the release of the "Bad" album, when the airwaves once again were graced with something new and wonderful from Michael Jackson ("I Just Can't Stop Loving You" ~ Finally! Joy!), an announcement was made that would send my life into beautiful new territory. Our local newspaper ran the following article a couple of days later:
Jackson Tour to Start in Japan
Shy superstar Michael Jackson's first concert tour in three years will begin with a series of September concerts in Japan, where the singer feels his fans are among his most loyal, his personal manager said Tuesday in Tokyo. "He feels very comfortable here," said Frank Dileo. Jackson, 28, who has not visited Japan since performing with his brothers as the Jackson Five in 1973, said in a statement that he would give his fans "thrilling and exciting" concerts. Dileo said he will perform in Tokyo, Osaka and Yokohama, go on to Australia, and then tour the United States from February to June and Europe from June through August 1988. It will be Jackson's first performances since his 1984 "Victory" tour with his brothers and his first concerts without them.
March 9, 2013
March 1, 2013
This month it will be 25 years. Twenty-five years since I've seen you. I'm feeling so sad today. You know how it just rebounds out of the blue and I find myself whining to you all night with tears streaking down my whiny face? Yeah. God knows all about this too. I frequently cry to Her about how much I love you. Luckily, She has the patience of a supreme deity. I hope you have some of it too, creepy-religious photoshops aside.
Despite this fire in my soul, in my quarter century personally bereft of your physical presence, something always intervened and kept me so far from you. Especially back in 2009 I wracked my brain trying to find my mistake ... what could I have done differently to have seen you again?! Conclusion: all things examined, not much, really. Not unless my life had been steered into another direction years earlier. Or, later... if you'd stayed.
Please know, Michael, this level of whining only applies to you. It could only apply to you. You... the pinnacle of all wishes upon all stars. You... the height of my heart's desire. You... in whose glance lay the supreme resolution to a boundless love. And me... left with only the merest hope of an oft-imagined, and heard by you, tearful confession over the din of a crowd: "I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL!"
But even that was not to be.
I'm glad I believe we're Spirit, or how could I go on? So I seemingly chose this? I chose to love you (you! you!) so incomprehensibly much that I've broken apart into a billion pieces time and time again, with your joy, with your pain, with mine, nearly insane... inexplicably bound by the cosmically oceanic depth of a connection I feel, deemed crazy by most of the world, yet more real than all of it?
So am I some kind of spiritual masochist then? Damn. I'm only half joking. But seriously, is this torture meant to force me out of attachment? You know, like the thumbscrews come off when one learns to let go of you? Or is this to give me the impetus to live in a state of loving devotion, i.e. not letting go... this time by choice, instead of in fear of recrimination by other-worldly forces (i.e. "love me or you'll go to Hell" - that sort of thing)? Life is so cryptic sometimes.
When I ask you, it's all about love.
Oh Beloved, forgive my begging, my whining, my incessant calls. I mean, unless you want it ... then by all means, come kiss me before I start crying again. Open my heart a little wider. Mmmm. You do it so well.
Alas, what joy there will be upon ascension ...
if my destination is your embrace.
~ DM ♥ March 1, 2013
January 16, 2013
August 31, 2012
|The premier of the Bad short film was that same night!|
|My actual receipt, lol! I bought the LP and the cassette :) Remember those days? Thank you, Michael!|