From the moment I got my ticket, it was far more precious than gold. I looked at it, studied it every day. I had everything memorized. You could have bumped into me in the hallway at school and I could've told you every single detail, from the exact wording to the event code. Even how many asterisks there were between the date and location lines.
Seating at McNichols was like this for section DDD
Every couple of days I would walk over to the record store at lunch or on a free hour from school just to ogle the McNichols Arena seating chart. I'm surprised they didn't know my name by the concert date. Just how close to Michael would I be??? Ohhhh, the agony. The exquisite agony of waiting for the glorious day! I would sit on the front porch and try to guesstimate the distance by pretending Michael was dancing on the roof a couple of houses away. I wrote a journal at school and nearly everything in it is about Michael, lol. I wrote my ticket info, what number "Man in the Mirror" had been on Dial MTV (the forerunner of TRL), etc.
I made myself a special calendar to count down to the best day ever. I marked off each day and had a HOURS countdown after a while. That's right... you'll see on each day there are the number of hours (at noon) until the moment my eyes would behold my Beloved! ♥
A few days after I got my ticket, a third show was added. The second show had been automatically scheduled on that first day of ticket sales. I didn't even know about it, as both shows sold out in a matter of hours. The third show also rapidly sold out. I wish I'd had more money and more know-how so that I could've attended more than one! Aghghgh! (Note: The official Bad Tour info, from the tour program (I think) to Wikipedia is WRONG. Everywhere you'll look it says that Denver was March 23 & 24. No! Maybe that was the original plan, but that's NOT what happened. The band KISS actually performed at McNichols Arena on March 23, 1988. Michael Jackson then did THREE shows ... March 24, March 25 and March 26.)
Here are the radio ads announcing the third show!
And there's one more important video that simply MUST be posted. Three weeks before my special day, beautiful Michael performed "The Way You Make Me Feel" and "Man in the Mirror" at the Grammy Awards! (And here's an article about this that is a MUST-READ! Rembert Explains the '80s: Michael Jackson at the 1988 Grammy Awards ) Imagine seeing this performance... and I mean WOW... and knowing that you're going to see this man soon! Yes, imagine! Btw, the day after the Grammy's Michael also did a special benefit show in the tour at Madison Square Garden in NY.
NEXT: Part 3 to be posted soon ... CONCERT DAY!
News articles and TV reports to be posted as well :)
On June 28, 1987, two months before the release of the "Bad" album, when the airwaves once again were graced with something new and wonderful from Michael Jackson ("I Just Can't Stop Loving You" ~ Finally! Joy!), an announcement was made that would send my life into beautiful new territory. Our local newspaper ran the following article a couple of days later:
Jackson Tour to Start in Japan Shy superstar Michael Jackson's first concert tour in three years will begin with a series of September concerts in Japan, where the singer feels his fans are among his most loyal, his personal manager said Tuesday in Tokyo. "He feels very comfortable here," said Frank Dileo. Jackson, 28, who has not visited Japan since performing with his brothers as the Jackson Five in 1973, said in a statement that he would give his fans "thrilling and exciting" concerts. Dileo said he will perform in Tokyo, Osaka and Yokohama, go on to Australia, and then tour the United States from February to June and Europe from June through August 1988. It will be Jackson's first performances since his 1984 "Victory" tour with his brothers and his first concerts without them.
W...w...... wait.... did I read that right? Did that really say "and then tour the United States"?! I can't begin to explain the kind of excitement that welled up inside! My parents hadn't let me go to the Victory Tour and I had vowed to myself that the next time there was nothing and no one who would stop me from seeing Michael! My heart was pounding, thoughts spiraling into a newfound bliss! Oh please let it be true! Please let it be true!!!!
It was a few more months before anything more was mentioned about the US leg of the Bad Tour, then this came blasting from my radio! Just listen! It's enough to make you blow up!
Text: "Get ready, Denver! The rumors are true! The event of the century is coming to McNichols Arena! Pepsi presents MICHAEL JACKSON! At last... March 24th, the thrill is back! Michael Jackson, in spectacular concert! Tickets go on sale this Monday at 8am at all Ticketmaster locations. Michael Jackson! LIVE! Tickets this Monday at 8am at all Ticketmaster, all Dave Cooks, select Budget Tapes and Records, or charge it 303-623-TIXS. HE'S COMING... March 24th to McNichols Arena. Michael Jackson, presented by Pepsi."
Lord have mercy! How did I survive this announcement?!!!! My dream! Oh my God, I was going to finally see Michael!! And it was just a few days before tickets were to go on sale! I didn't have any MJ fan friends, but a couple friends from high school (I had just turned 16) said they'd go with me. In the end, no one could come up with the cash in time over the weekend, so I realized that I'd be going to my first ever concert alone. No matter. I would crawl on my hands and knees for those 65 miles through snow, sleet, broken glass... whatever. I HAD to see him.
On the morning of February 22nd, I dragged my mom out of bed at 4-something in the morning so I could get to the downtown ticket outlet by 5am. Naturally, I had wanted to camp out all night, but there was no way she'd let me. It was freezing cold (February in Colorado!) and I'd have been "alone". As we pulled up to Budget Tapes and Records my heart sank just a bit. Wow, there were a lot of people in line already. I jumped out of the car and took my place as the 54th person, around the corner against the icy brick wall. Was it really that cold? I hardly noticed. My heart only knew one thing ... I was about to get a ticket to see the love of my life.
At 8am sharp the door opened and people rapidly streamed through, a few at a time. Butterflies filled my stomach as I anxiously pleaded inside for them to HURRY UP! Imagine getting to the front of the line and finding out the show had sold out! There were sure to be many more people in line at Ticketmaster outlets in Denver, and each second counted.
When I was let in, I was shaking already. I got to the counter and said "ONE TICKET, PLEASE." I kept telling myself it wouldn't matter where the seat was, just as long as I could be there. I handed over my $22.50 plus taxes and fee, and received in return a little turquoise paper from the printer. Oh my God, how could I look down to read it? It was in my hand! I HAD A TICKET TO SEE MICHAEL JACKSON... IN MY HAND! Dare I look where my seat is?
FLOOR?????????? Oh my! Oh! Oh!!!!
Yes, but alas, that doesn't mean 9th row from the stage. It's row 9 in the section behind the other section that's in front of the stage, lol. In the end it's somewhere around row 34 to 40. But still ... that would mean I'd be physically closer to Michael than the vast majority of the arena. I felt so blessed. Just blessed to have that precious ticket in my hand. I'd loved Michael with every heartbeat for almost four years. I laugh a bit at that now (only four years?), but when you're a teenager that's like forever. Not only was he the most incredible performer and entertainer ever, but he'd saved my life when I'd wanted to die. He'd been with me in my heart through some terrible circumstances. He'd been the doorway to love and hope and a reason to carry on. His pictures covered every inch of my bedroom walls so that I could live in a sort of Michael Sanctuary. And most importantly, I knew he was a beautiful person. From the moment I'd first fallen for him, I'd read every interview I could find, even going through libraries to dig up old magazine articles. I felt something inside him that's hard to explain. And that something was filled with LIGHT and LOVE and all I wanted to do was love him back. I wanted to just BE NEAR to him and LOVE him. And this, as close as I'd likely get for a while, was my chance to do just that. Thank you, God. Thank you, Michael.
This month it will be 25 years. Twenty-five years since I've seen you. I'm feeling so sad today. You know how it just rebounds out of the blue and I find myself whining to you all night with tears streaking down my whiny face? Yeah. God knows all about this too. I frequently cry to Her about how much I love you. Luckily, She has the patience of a supreme deity. I hope you have some of it too, creepy-religious photoshops aside.
Despite this fire in my soul, in my quarter century personally bereft of your physical presence, something always intervened and kept me so far from you. Especially back in 2009 I wracked my brain trying to find my mistake ... what could I have done differently to have seen you again?! Conclusion: all things examined, not much, really. Not unless my life had been steered into another direction years earlier. Or, later... if you'd stayed.
Please know, Michael, this level of whining only applies to you. It could only apply to you. You... the pinnacle of all wishes upon all stars. You... the height of my heart's desire. You... in whose glance lay the supreme resolution to a boundless love. And me... left with only the merest hope of an oft-imagined, and heard by you, tearful confession over the din of a crowd: "I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL!"
But even that was not to be.
I'm glad I believe we're Spirit, or how could I go on? So I seemingly chose this? I chose to love you (you! you!) so incomprehensibly much that I've broken apart into a billion pieces time and time again, with your joy, with your pain, with mine, nearly insane... inexplicably bound by the cosmically oceanic depth of a connection I feel, deemed crazy by most of the world, yet more real than all of it?
So am I some kind of spiritual masochist then? Damn. I'm only half joking. But seriously, is this torture meant to force me out of attachment? You know, like the thumbscrews come off when one learns to let go of you? Or is this to give me the impetus to live in a state of loving devotion, i.e. not letting go... this time by choice, instead of in fear of recrimination by other-worldly forces (i.e. "love me or you'll go to Hell" - that sort of thing)? Life is so cryptic sometimes.
When I ask you, it's all about love.
Oh Beloved, forgive my begging, my whining, my incessant calls. I mean, unless you want it ... then by all means, come kiss me before I start crying again. Open my heart a little wider. Mmmm. You do it so well.
Alas, what joy there will be upon ascension ...
if my destination is your embrace.
In the next few weeks I'll be sharing some memories from 25 years ago, when Bad was released :) I plan to write much more, but for now... the day Bad was released! August 31, 1987! This was such incredible joy! If you weren't there or weren't a fan then, omg, you have no idea!
The premier of the Bad short film was that same night!
My actual receipt, lol! I bought the LP and the cassette :) Remember those days? Thank you, Michael!
Maybe I'm weird (ok, that's a given), but when I was younger, like teens into twenties, I read a lot of spiritually-oriented books and yearned for the one mystical spiritual teacher to appear. You know, some guru figure who knew the answer, whom I could trust and love and feel comfortable with and actually listen to. See, that was the main problem... I've always been far too independent to surrender to guidance, so the yearning was somehow a moot point. No matter what anyone would say, no matter what was written in a book, I would always reply with, "Yeah, but says who? How do I know that's really the truth?" There is value in most anything, and wonderful pearls of wisdom hidden all around us, but it wasn't until I was much older that my Teacher finally appeared ... and I realized then that he'd been with me my whole life...
This is one part of the story:
The 'Heal the World' Epiphany of 1992
As a child I decided I wanted to be a minister when I grew up. I never explained to anyone why. I couldn't have articulated it if I'd tried. There were experiences, deep experiences, with Christ and the Light in which I understood something about forgiveness and love. I believed that if only the world could know what I knew, we'd all stop killing and torturing each other. I thought that someday I would understand how to share that with others, but for the time being, junior high loomed large on the horizon. Yikes. Having fought like crazy to be 'tough' and 'strong' and never to let anyone see me cry, heck if I was going to show anything 'soft' or 'compassionate' as a teenager. It all sort of lay on the back burner, simmering quietly, nearly forgotten, evaporating as the harsh world closed in all around me. What had I been thinking, really?!
One day in what I believe must've been late 1991/ early 1992, when I was in my early 20's, I was driving to work and got stopped at a light. I remember this all distinctly. Well, I remember everything except what music was playing, and there was always music playing in my car. Given what happened next, one can assume it was the 'Dangerous' album!
As I sat there in my car, I found myself looking out at all the people sitting behind the wheel. I was on a hill, so I could see many cars off into the distance, all with people... with souls... with beautiful shining souls who don't realize they are made of love! Oh my God, I thought, I love them! I love them all! This wave of love poured out of me. I honestly cared for each and every one of them. I saw their humanity and their spirit and I knew they struggled like me to live in this world of materialistic views, ego, violence and pain. I could feel the connection of us all, all one, all part of God, all precious. It was the whole world and I was realizing with my soul that I truly loved all these people that just five minutes ago were pissing me off because they were driving too slow, lol! It all melted away for this astounding moment that my heart had opened to the world. Wowwwwwwwww....
And I was HORRIFIED!!!!
This wasn't me! What in all heck was going on???! Yes, all this love, love, mushy love stuff was all great and fine for other people, but it was NOT me! I had fought long and hard to keep those walls up, and I thought I'd succeeded quite well. Whatever was going on was truly CONFUSING. It felt like I'd just gone crazy and channeled a hippie, lol. You have no idea. This wasn't some epiphany brought about by pain or catastrophe. This was just a normal day. And although I realized that I "should" feel this to be a good person, I didn't WANT to feel this! It was so much easier to NOT care and to just play along with general apathy! It was so much easier to push away the tears, to turn away from all the suffering masses and not to be vulnerable enough to FEEL. It was like finally having learned how to get along in the world and having the world pulled out from under your feet... whooosh! Start over! And start over with all that cheesy, corny, gooey stuff you cringe at: Love, holding hands, "Cumbayá" and all else that was just somehow uncool.
"That's it!", I said outloud to myself, "I've been listening to Heal the World too many damn times!!!!!"
Yes, it must've been playing, because I think I reached for the buttons on my car stereo, lol. I quickly regained my equilibrium as the light turned green, but I can tell you that I was never truly the same again. Nope. Never. It was an opening of the heart chakra. Oh sure, I fought against it for years, and even now I sometimes struggle to get "I love you" out of my mouth, but once that tiny beam of light penetrates the false darkness we try to protect our tender selves with, the hard outer shell is doomed. It cannot and will not last. You can fight it all you want, but eventually that light will grow. Resistance is futile. It may wear down over the years, or it may take a tragedy to burst the dam, but the TRUTH indeed runs marathons. And the TRUTH is found in the one word that my dear Teacher, my Guru, my beautiful Michael gave me over and over again: LOVE.
Yes, cheesy, corny, mushy, gooey, but all too real and deep and true and sometimes painful... LOVE. You hear it a million times. A million times it can go in one ear and out the other, but someday the RIGHT person will say it (or sing it?) and it will stick. You won't get it out of you, because it IS you. And what a revelation to realize that this person has been saying it to you your whole silly life. Duhhhhh. Who was that mystical teacher who'd appear when the student was ready? When was I ready? When he first spoke that word to me? Or when I finally saw him for the utter and complete sculptor of my soul that he is? Or maybe it began eons ago, heck. I just know that the one I searched for was right before my eyes, as close as my own heart, and infused into my DNA where he worked his magic from within. And I love him. Oh, I love him. Forever and a day.
Thank you for 'Heal the World', Michael. I ADORE it! In 2009 someone asked which MJ song I'd bring along to a desert island if I could only choose one. And I chose this one. God bless you.
You're not an object,
To be bought and consumed, Covered head to toe
With everything your name
Is stamped upon for profit,
It's all so cold.
So cold without you.
You're not an icon,
An emblem or mirage,
Assigned corporate meaning,
If it serves them to expand
The pocketbooks at large,
It's all so empty.
So empty without you.
You're not your things,
Auctioned, commandeered,
Stolen or won, held high,
Like trophies of a souless idol,
Casually stripped of his heart,
After all -
It's just business.
So shallow without you.
You're not just words,
Repeated as cliché,
Until they've become a slogan
For your brand, like effigy,
Cultural lipservice for a day,
"It's all for LOVE."
I still mean it.
You're not an object,
Sparkling glove, silhouette,
Once upon a time in Neverland,
Each year more distant in history,
And easier to sell with a crown...
Oh, Best of Joy,
Oh, human teacher,
Tell me how to love you now.
Tell me how to love you now.
A few days after I got my ticket, a third show was added. The second show had been automatically scheduled on that first day of ticket sales. I didn't even know about it, as both shows sold out in a matter of hours. The third show also rapidly sold out. I wish I'd had more money and more know-how so that I could've attended more than one! Aghghgh! (Note: The official Bad Tour info, from the tour program (I think) to Wikipedia is WRONG. Everywhere you'll look it says that Denver was March 23 & 24. No! Maybe that was the original plan, but that's NOT what happened. The band KISS actually performed at McNichols Arena on March 23, 1988. Michael Jackson then did THREE shows ... March 24, March 25 and March 26.)
