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| The premier of the Bad short film was that same night! |
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| My actual receipt, lol! I bought the LP and the cassette :) Remember those days? Thank you, Michael! |
Maybe I'm weird (ok, that's a given), but when I was younger, like teens into twenties, I read a lot of spiritually-oriented books and yearned for the one mystical spiritual teacher to appear. You know, some guru figure who knew the answer, whom I could trust and love and feel comfortable with and actually listen to. See, that was the main problem... I've always been far too independent to surrender to guidance, so the yearning was somehow a moot point. No matter what anyone would say, no matter what was written in a book, I would always reply with, "Yeah, but says who? How do I know that's really the truth?" There is value in most anything, and wonderful pearls of wisdom hidden all around us, but it wasn't until I was much older that my Teacher finally appeared ... and I realized then that he'd been with me my whole life...
Covered head to toe
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| "Holding yours, holding yours..." |
I don't feel less loved...
It doesn't matter where I live,
Or if in poverty or wealth,
It doesn't matter what my age,
Or if I suffer failing health,
It doesn't matter what my color,
Or my language, or my race,
It doesn't matter my religion,
Or the beauty of my face,
It doesn't matter if I knew you,
Or if I've loved you from afar,
It wouldn't matter what I was
If I had fallen from a star...
I don't feel less loved.
And I want to THANK YOU for that.
__________________
"I Don't Feel Less Loved"
© May 19, 2012 by D.M.
What Immortal Unfoldings
I am your work, inextricably bound,
And all the while the loom in rhythm,
Your heart is woven throughout my own,
Oh Beloved, Oh Angel,
Let me feel you, breathe you,
Know your heart from within,
I give you all, all I am,
For you,
May my soul know the joy
Of your love's embrace,
Lost in the bliss of your smile,
Drowning in the light of your eyes,
Hold me, sweet Angel, I'm yours,
For a moment, for now, forever...
With you.
~ © March 11, 2012 by D.M.
Sleeping, dreaming of space.
I'm somewhere near the moon with others, with him.
I awaken in bed for a moment, close my eyes and whoosh ... Consciousness contracts into a single point that in once re-discovered I am all, I am free. I am the real me, wrapped in a peaceful cloak of deep velvet blackness, awareness so focused, yet eternal, everywhere, knowing, knowing. "Oh joy!!!" my soul cries. At last, again, once more!
This is the place, the knowing, the Me from where I once tasted a morsel of what my silly mortal brain calls death. It is here I was before God, bathed in The Light on that blessed evening last August. It is here I know our Mother/Father, dearest Friend since the beginning of time, if time existed.
Oh, if only you knew, if only you remembered! I promise you will, the greatest Love you've ever known. It is from here I know my Beloved. It is from here I know you. It is here I am One with You, God, my Best Friend, All ... from whence each point of Self, expressed as us, did spring. I love you, God. I love you.
"Who are you, Michael? Who am I? What is this connection?" These questions had been running through my mind again, but the words had special weight this day. I closed my eyes, seeking knowledge within, deeper than my subconscious that I sometimes mistrust. Who can I ask? Who would know? Who have I not spoken to yet? Hmmm. I let my mind drift...
I suddenly found myself in a lush valley that only faded from sight in the distance due to a thick, misty fog, but that one could assume may go on forever. Within this green expanse stood mountains, impossibly high, impossibly narrow, rising straight up from the valley below and far into the sky. Cones of granite, reminiscent of the floating mountains of southern China, dotted the landscape as if rocky cathedral spires had grown straight from the ground to Heaven. It was simply breathtaking!
One mountain in particular stood out to me. Waterfalls and cascading bouquets of delicate blossoms dotted the steep ascent. At the very top I could see a single tree, emitting its own light, almost pulsing it, beckoning the seeker. At the very moment I wondered how on Earth I would climb this vertical wall of rock, I found myself standing at the top of it, above the mist, in the brightest sunshine. Before me was the tree, its light glowing from within its very leaves. It seemed to be tended by a beautiful, tenuous female spirit who also emitted a white light, sparkling with flecks of gold.
"Ah, this is the Tree of Knowledge," I said out loud, more to myself than anyone.
"You are seeking knowledge. Yes, this is the place," spoke the gleaming spirit in a voice like tinkling chimes.
"Are you the Tree's caretaker?" I inquired.
"The Tree and I are One."
With that she changed form before my eyes, into glowing plasma, moving as a liquid into the tree in a wave of light and re-forming next to it as before. I understood that she is the spirit of the Tree of Knowledge. She is Gnosis itself.
Again I heard her voice, "Ask."
For a moment I feared my questions would be limited, like from the genie who will only give three wishes. It was quickly explained to me that there are never limits on knowledge to those who seek it sincerely and have achieved the ability to understand what is given. This eased my mind greatly and I asked my first question, careful to specifiy that I was referring to spirit, not physical lives.
"Who is Michael Jackson?"
A dark, silvery reflective "screen" formed in the air before me and the word "ANGEL" appeared on it. (Or rather in it. This wasn't flat, but multi-dimensional.) I questioned this word. Was I making it up? Did it mean literally an angel or just metaphorically? The letters dissipated and reformed again. ANGEL. And then in rapid succession I saw, heard and understood what will probably take paragraphs to write.
I witnessed Michael's true form, as I'd seen before, but this time magnified with infinite awe: the most intense, glittering, gorgeous white light, like millions of diamonds reflecting the Light of God in all directions. I saw my own spirit's light, similar, yet slightly different. It was ... smaller, for lack of a better word. By this I don't mean "lesser", as implying less value, but contained in a smaller vessel perhaps? If I was the moon, he was the sun! And oh, what a sun! I wondered what this meant in relation to the term "angel". What is an angel, anyway? And why did we appear to be different? I've never believed in angels as a separate creation, really. And if they do exist, angels don't incarnate as humans, do they?
Next I witnessed part of the creation of all beings in our universe, to show me more about this perceived difference. I say part of creation, because it was one moment and possibly a symbolic representation rather than the documentary version. God, The Light, was differentiating into individual points of consciousness. Not all of God became "other", but I'm not privy to the percentages. I could see light coalescing into beings like evolving nebulae in deep space. Untold numbers of little light beings appeared in all directions, baby stars in God's universal nursery. This partially answered my second question: "Who am I?" I am one of these, existing since the very beginning of time as me, yet for eternity before. I am a soul, a spirit, a part of God, as are you, as is the Earth, as is every atom of every molecule in existence. There is nothing else but The Light. I Am.
Within the vastness of space, amidst these infant souls, I saw other beings that had been made from greater proportions of Light. They were larger than the others. One might say they were made from more of God, but know right away that this is no way implies greater worth! God exists as ALL of Himself/Herself. There can be no part missing. There is no part missing. It is an impossibility. If you take one part hydrogen out of water, it is no longer water. Every atom must be. And God is the hydrogen and the oxygen and the force that spins the electrons and the Love behind the subatomic particles below the force which holds together the energy that we have not yet even discovered! And every particle, every photon, every speck of the ethereal, the astral and the material is part of that Love.
The larger collections of Light consciousness were shown to be what we would call "angels". Their full purpose was not made known to me, but part of it is in the care of us, these fledgling souls. Particular angels seemed to have more interaction with or exhibit greater significance to the souls. Among these was our Michael. (I only call him by this earthly moniker because I am not aware of his true name. Gnosis attempted to tell me, but it was as if my human ears could not understand the sound at this time.)
I wondered aloud if these angels such as Michael were what we'd term "archangels". Yes, was the answer. Sort of. The next question seemed obvious, but to my surprise I was NOT told that he was "Archangel Michael" as some people may believe. Instead I was told that there are MANY such angels that we would give this type of "silly" title to (silly to them because they have no concern for such things), and they often work in groups that may be experienced as "Gabriel", "Raphael", "Michael", and so on. I don't wish to conflict with anyone's religious convictions, so please take this however you might. I am not sure what to believe. I found this all interesting.
If Michael is indeed an ANGEL and I'm a SOUL, I thought, then what is this special connection I feel with HIM and not another?
"You are one of his," answered the Tree of Knowledge, implying I was in his charge. Loved by him. His.
I admit to feeling rather dubious at this point. Thoughts whirled around inside me, wondering how and why an angel would incarnate in the flesh (is that even possible?) and the continuing conflict inside me that seeks to reconcile my feeling for Michael as both human and divine. One moment I've been creating artwork of him as a saint, the next defending myself to invisible critics who would accuse me of taking away his humanity by creating such icons. I have loved him deeply for nearly 30 years (or forever?) and am well aware of this topic. I felt myself fearing that to believe he is an angel would be to ignore his vulnerabilities in life, the very human, fragile beauty of him, and the equality and joy of knowing he and I and all of us are alike; humans striving together for betterment despite adversity. I could not and will not strip him of the dignity of frailty, the fragility of our quests to be loved and of the depth of the pain endured. Would being an angel place him on a pedestal? What would that mean?
"Do angels actually incarnate in the flesh?" I asked.
Gnosis replied, "Not usually, but some have. The one you call Michael is one such exception."
I laughed at this, "Of course he is! Has he done this before?"
"He has chosen to walk beside you and learn all he can about those he has cradled in his arms. His recent incarnation was a very special mission, as you know," she answered.
I was flooded with concepts of Christ that whizzed past my brain and seemed not quite right, and ideas of angels and saviors and none seemed quite right. It is not that complicated, the Tree said. "You remember. It is simple."
And what I remembered, if one would call it that, was indeed simple. The world needs more light in this continuing longterm evolution and my beautiful Beloved was simply here to help, just like anyone. And an angel incarnating in flesh becomes human at the moment of descent. If you (soul, angel or whatever else I am unaware of to label) are incarnated as human, you will bleed and hurt and desire and laugh and cry and love through this human existence as long as you stay. It could be no other way.
"Do we evolve into angels too?" I asked, "Will we ever hold that much light ourselves?"
I was filled from the outside with such a light-hearted giggle, as if this was an amusing question to my companion and my mind saw a great many highly evolved souls in angelic realms and "even higher!", as she stated. Of course we could "fly with the angels". We have and we will. We will not become them, for we are structured differently. If we are the moon, they are the sun. But there is no worry. Celestial Light is God. We feel together, learn together. We are One. And we are forever.
At this I opened my eyes, still human, still unsure, the scene on the mountaintop fading into the delicate realm of doubt that exists somewhere between logic and intuition, between human and divine. Seeking union, seeking understanding, seeking that which I already have, with whom I already have it.
~ A story based on a meditation, © February 20, 2012 by D.M.
Oh Beloved, what joy you bring!
I bask in your Light,
Obtain your glow,
In awe of the grace that I may approach such beauty,
Has sunlight seen such brilliance,
Have stars beheld such glory,
That sparkles yet soft as diamond dew
In ethereal garden's grove?
Oh Beloved, flow through me!
I surrender as one,
Respond to your call,
That I may be blessed with sweet communion from two,
Have angels known such peace,
Has life felt such warmth,
Like heat shimmer 'cross desert sands,
Indistinguishable wave, rising, one?
Oh Beloved, come now, evermore!
For you, let me live,
For you shall I give,
That no dream on Earth or in Heaven be in vain,
Could truth be e'er closer,
Would your spirit concede,
To the breathless devotion in mine?
Becoming, unfolding, with you.
['Oh, Beloved' © Feb 9, 2012 by D.M.]
I
love
you
so
much,
Michael. ♥
28 YEARS AGO TODAY, on January 16, 1984, a clueless eleven-year-old without MTV watched the American Music Awards and was irresistibly drawn to a beautiful somebody in sunglasses and a sparkly red jacket. "Who the heck is that?!", she asked, bewildered. Thank God she could not escape the sudden onslaught of love's gravity. Here's to 28 years of loving you with all my heart, and eternity before and forever, dear Beloved! Thank you, Michael. Always yours, D. ♥