Come to my window... please!

A little lighter topic in this post compared to the last one. Well, sort of. It all depends on how you look at it.

From the first time I heard this song ("Come to my Window" by Melissa Etheridge) years ago it made me think of Michael. I just love the sense of longing in it, and the lyrics are just right on... oh, how most of us have felt this at one time or another! But now I have an extra cheesy twist on it. A couple of years ago hubby and I decided to actually read J.M. Barrie's 'Peter Pan' as sort of our own private bedtime story. When one day this song popped up on my mp3 player after reading the night before, and all I could think of was Peter Pan, lol! Think about it... "Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon." Who comes to your window under the light of the moon, chasing his shadow, maybe with Tinkerbell in tow? That's what I'm saying. So now, not only are these lyrics 'to Michael' from me, in an ever deeper way than years ago, but it's got a whole additional cute factor as well ;)

I can't find the studio version of the song online, but here's a live performance from 'Dancing With the Stars' (wait, ... like "second star to the right and straight on 'til morning"? ;) and below that is a full live version that includes the second verse (lyrics here).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfjT5tVGx6o


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nj2zOObtnA

I don't know who made the 'MJ as Peter Pan' digital painting above. I've seen it all over the internet in various forms. If you know, please leave a comment so I can credit and link to the wonderful artist :)

Pictures, Postcards & Love Letters (how life is like October)

Ok, I know I'm 'supposed' to stay more focused on spirit, but sometimes there's such a question to it all and everything collapses back into the Vortex of Doubt. And at those times I find myself crying so deeply, almost begging: "Please still exist. Please still exist. Please tell me I'm not crazy." For I know at those moments that this (your continued existence) is the most important thing in the universe to me. Yeah, I know a psychologist would have a field day with it all. Unbeknownst to them, though, I've thought of my situation, of loving you THIS much, way more then they could imagine, for a great many years. This is well covered territory in my mind... the WHY, the HOW, the explanations that I'd get, that we fill in with fantasy what we missed in our childhoods, that we need myths, legends and substitute religious figures, blah, blah, blah. But trust me, they're still missing the mark. As an educated (errr, um) almost 40-year-old, I feel I can say that pretty definitively.

Loving you is like having had the essence of your soul injected into the minutest particle of every atom that makes up the core of my DNA, and deeper still. "Closer than breath, you are the air..." It's why June 25th destroyed everything inside, broke it into a billion pieces and scattered it to the wind, leaving me with a river of tears from which to mix the mortar that, in theory, holds together the few salvaged molecules. Ok, tears and LOVE. Both in their truly cosmic form.

But what I'm really thinking of is time. How time passes where I am. How slowly and painfully the clock can tick. You (if I'm not crazy ;) can now see the longer arc of existence, the temporary state of physical being. You can, right? But to me it's sometimes torture. Remember how that is? In the sad moments, to think of being here without you for many years still to come feels so ... tragic. You are not walking the earth with me. How can that be??? I just read an article about you and, especially nowadays when they talk about the estate and money and future ventures, it feels so cold. It's Michael Jackson the business, the figure of the past, a name, an icon, a piece of our cultural legacy, each moment sinking further in the past... but it's not you. In my heart you're my mother/father/brother/lover/teacher/best friend. I know all that icon stuff is true as well, but I LOVE YOU. I always have.

You told me something recently that I want to share with anyone who's actually read my whining and rambling this far. You said to think of this life as so temporary that it's as if it just lasts a month. Just one measly little month long. There's a whole year within a decade within a century within millenia within eternity still out there. And this life is like the month of October. (Why October was the example, I don't know, lol). And you were here for at least half of the month, half of my October. Surely I can wait a measly two more weeks to rush into your arms again, can't I? It all goes so quickly, when seen from a higher perspective. (Not to mention that we're never actually apart. It can sure feel like it sometimes, though, can't it.) But in any case, it's just half a month of perceptual separation. We'll be together in full awareness the rest of the year, just as we've always been.

And I said that was a pretty good analogy, but I never got to know you at ALL in the month of October! Why is that? How could it be that I loved you so, so, so very much, like family, like breath, like the bounding lifeforce of a heartbeat and the silent anticipation until the next, and yet never met you. All these years YOU were my wish. And yet I never even met you. Never even brushed my fingertips across yours in as much as a handshake. If life is only as long as October, why must I spend this entire month without you?

And you laughed softly and hugged me (for real? in my imagination? sometimes I'm not so sure) and said, "It's just a month. ;) And you've had LOTS of me! I was off traveling the world and sending you so many pictures, postcards and love letters! All the time! It's like having a loved one away on vacation.You were always receiving stories and videos of the places I visited and experiences I had. You heard interviews and speeches. And I sent you lots of gifts too. I sent you songs I wrote, and my poems and dreams... even entire movies I worked so hard on, hoping you'd like them! I couldn't be with you in person, but you still got a lot of me, right? "

Oh Michael, I just love you. Thank you so much for all of that! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! And yes, you're right (as usual ;).

"And you still have all of that. You still have it all! You can spend hours watching me, hearing my voice, looking at photos, feeling my soul within it all as I feel it all with you as you experience it. You know I'm always there. You haven't been left alone, even in the physical sense, as temporary as that is. You have a whole world of audio/visual scrapbooks. And there are still physical things in the mail that haven't reached you yet ... things I sent a while back ... things you'll love!"

Ooooo, thank you! But I'll never love anything as much as I love you. I don't wish the month to be over. Not if God wants me to stay. But if I'm really not crazy, please be there, be here, so I'll know that October was totally worth it all. "Please still exist, please still exist", I whine as I do what I can to fight off the Vortex of Doubt that has been engulfing me lately.... *sigh*

And so I continue on the quest within, to understand the 'why' and the 'how' and the stillness that connects me to you, that tells me we are one in an instant of bliss that is forever now. I was recently reading about the Hindu deity Hanuman. He has such love and devotion for Rama that he could merge with him into eternal union whenever he wishes, but he instead chooses to remain here, in the illusion of separation. This is to serve God, but also seemingly to continue loving him in this way. For a Beloved to be, there must also be a lover. For us, the gravity holds us as a planet at distance from the sun, locked in the dance that is the agony and ecstasy of loving the Beloved from a "distance". But for whatever reason, if we're feeling this now, it tells us we CHOSE it. For our own soul growth we must've chosen to feel this pull toward union that comes from the perception of separation. Perhaps it is to continue loving the 'man in the mirror', choosing to gaze into those eyes just long enough to realize that we truly are ONE. And then we are truly free, in whatever life we choose next month...

[Note, this convo was a couple of weeks ago and I just now thought of the song "Gone 'Til November" by Wyclef Jean. It kind of fits with the October thing, doesn't it?]

Love Divine: Entangled Orbit without Star

This past summer I spent a few days able to really sink into the emotion I felt in 1988 after my one and only MJ concert. I remember vividly that whole precious day. And I remember the dread of the houselights coming back up for the final time after "Man in the Mirror". I left in a daze, a complete love hangover, loving everything and everyone in creation. It was like being baptized in LOVE for the universe. My mom picked me up near the arena after the show and I couldn't even answer the question of how it was with more than a meek "great". I just had no words. I was spent, emotionally exhausted, still trying to process the total bliss. I looked awful, lol. I had sweated my hair flat and my makeup off. Not that any of this mattered. I was just gone. Oh my God, I had been there with Michael, in his presence, heard his voice, felt that love that engulfed us all, as he always explained ... the audience tossing it to him and he back to us. Wow, that was real, I'll tell you. But then, once traffic around the arena began to move we were on the trip home, a whole 70 miles away, to another city. I saw Michael's hotel as we passed by on the interstate, and then it hit me... I was going AWAY from him! My mom had to be at work in the morning, so I had no real choice in the matter. The wheels of the car kept turning. Each mile was a mile further from Michael.

After I got home that night I dropped into days of a torturous mixture of ecstasy and agony. That night was just ... well, I just lay there on my bed in the dark, unable to comprehend what had just happened. And one thing is certain: the only thing in the universe I wanted was to BE CLOSE TO HIM AGAIN. I loved him so much and now I was filled with the most intense longing I've EVER felt just to be NEAR someone again. In the same hotel, at the back of an arena, a mile away... anywhere... just close! I was just an emotional wreck of ups and downs for days. Maybe longer, for I found poems I wrote over a year later with titles like "Please Come Back". It was this utterly THANKFUL JOY that I had BEEN THERE WITH HIM and yet this terrible longing and the frightening question of whether I'd ever see him again. (Sadly, I did not see him again in this life. Somehow it just never worked out. I hope to understand why someday, but that's a whole other topic.) I wrote this poem just now about that night...about the sense of growing separation by physical distance, the joy and the pain and the yearning that was beyond anything I could've hoped to put into words back then. But this is how it felt.

And I'm curious; If you ever saw Michael or went to one of his concerts, how did you feel afterwards? Can you relate to the poem below?

LOVE DIVINE
All is perfect, I am lost,
Only love begotten here,
You are with me, all I know,
For eternity revere,

You slip away before the light,
Orgasmic bliss retain,
Left afloat in afterglow,
Will this my soul sustain?

No words, no words when asked explain,
In trance, emotion spent,
One could not Heaven's 7th ray
In human speech present,

This joy imprinted on my heart
Becomes my searing need,
As further drifting from your light,
Let not this glow recede!

Miles bending space behind,
My adversary, time,
Running clock and spinning wheel,
And you, my Love Divine,

Deepening night, now far away,
I fall in solemn hush,
Are we still one, our union staid,
As in love's heightened blush?

If anything our God could grant,
One wish, return to you!
If only near, concealed, accept,
Elation still ensue!

One more moment, one more breath,
I'd sacrifice, I'd fall,
If once my heart could beat near you,
Just once, my soul enthrall,

My inner self in disarray,
Break down, rebuild, collapse,
Separation, agony,
With love your song entraps,

Each atom of my being yearns
For nearness, your sweet light,
Entangled orbit without star,
In freefall, lost in night,

A remnant of your breath exhaled
May once have touched my lips,
I cling to this imagined joy,
No pain could thus eclipse,

Your voice once flowed, vibrated me,
Holy sound, these waves adored,
Within your bless'ed presence,
Surrender, you implored,

And thus I did, a gift, a taste,
Of Heaven's sweetest wine,
Now left to ache, a moment's glow
Within your love divine.

'Love Divine' © July 10, 2011 by D.M. - All Rights Reserved

Our Love's an Ocean

Our love's an ocean,
As vast as space,
It has no boundary
Of time or place,

You feel its glory,
So define it not,
Just live its truth,
Be what it sought,

Our love's an ocean,
As vast as space,
When you know this
You walk in grace.

Our love's an ocean.
It is.

~ Nov 4, 2011 ♥ Thank you, Michael

All of Me Loves All of You

I will follow you anywhere,
Take my hand and don't despair,
Pull me into your embrace,
For me there is no other place,
If you need love, it's always here,
If you need trust, I have no fear,
If you need faith, my soul knows how,
If you need forever, that's my vow,
All of me loves all of you,
This was the plan, you always knew,
Our love's the key that opens doors,
I surrender, I am yours.

~ suddenly in my head, Oct 31, 2011

Jai Gurudev, my Beloved

For Michael, my Teacher, my Beloved, my all. Dearest Michael, you have my love, respect and gratitude. Thank you for your love, your strength and your grace. I am yours for always. ♥


YouTube link: By Your Grace, my beautiful Michael

This video features the beautiful song "By Your Grace/Jai Gurudev" by Indian kirtan singer Krishna Das, who I've recently discovered and adore. If you enjoy this song, I highly recommend his others too! To understand some of what the song means, "Jai" translates to "victory" and "gurudev" (Sanskrit: गुरुदेव), is a term denoting "teacher" and "greatness", such as the greatness of the higher mind and spirit that is vast and of/in/with God. It has been used sometimes to address gurus/spiritual teachers (which I find fitting, since I often call Michael my love guru! ;), but it is more widely understood to mean VICTORY TO THE GREATNESS IN YOU ... to the great joy and truth of love that is the higher self. MAY OUR GREATNESS PREVAIL!

Also included in this is a clip of Michael's speech at the Heal the World press conference in New York City on Nov 24, 1992. Through HTW, 46 tons of supplies were airlifted to Sarajevo during the war. And from 1992 to 1993 Michael performed for 3.5 million fans and donated all the proceeds from the Dangerous Tour to his charity, Heal the World Foundation. Many millions of dollars went to disadvantaged children around the world, including the full payment of a Hungarian child's liver transplant (Farkas, the little boy you see in this video at 5:00).

"Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone. This simple goodness shines straight from their hearts. Being with them connects us to the deeper wisdom of life. These children are a reminder of the preciousness of all life, especially young lives untouched by hatred, prejudice and greed. Now, when the world is so confused and its problems so complicated, we need our children more than ever. Their natural wisdom points the way to solutions that lie waiting to be recognized within our own hearts. Children are the world's foremost idealists and optimists. It is for that reason that 'Heal The World" is organizing the World's Children Congress next year, made up exclusively of delegates, aged 8 to 16. The world desperately needs their innocent perspective on the world's problems. We have to heal our wounded planet of the chaos, despair and senseless destruction we see today. The mission of HTW, my mission, is healing. Pure and simple. To heal the world, we must start by healing our children." ~ Michael Jackson 1992

Thank you, Michael. I love you so much. ♥

We are One, in Love, in Spirit

This pic was an attempt to pull together symbols from different religions to illustrate ONENESS. On first glance it may appear that Michael is being portrayed as a deity, but it's simply symbolic art. Michael is there to represent the humanity and spirit of each of us, in the awakening point, where one realizes the truth of unity with the divine. We came from God/All and will return. Just as you are your parents' child, the Divine essence is also carried within you ... we are each divinity in motion.

He/You/I sit in a lotus position, like Buddha (or any other adept or seeker) in deep contemplation, prayer and stillness. Surrounding us is the lush green of the forest primeval, of the garden... a place of creation, where renewal and growth take place. It is a place of peace and seclusion, yet of life, of Gaia, our connection to the Earth. It is the Garden of Eden and Gethsemane, the meditation retreat of bodhisattvas, the forests of Vraj on the banks of the Yamuna river. We sit upon the transcendent pink lotus flower as our consciousness expands inwardly and outwardly to merge with the All. Our skin is the color of the sky and we wear the tilak of Krishna on our forehead, as his and Quan Yin's companion and guardian, the royal peacock, dances nearby... a reminder of our immortality and that all colors blend in harmony as One. A monarch butterfly alights nearby, a symbol in many tribal and modern religions of strength, transformation, resurrection and spirit. In our hand we hold a red rose in full bloom to symbolize our ability to embrace fragility, hope and faith without crushing it, as we nurture it with compassion, as Mother Mary does when she comforts the grieving and downtrodden. As we focus on our 4th chakra we find the Sacred Heart, a symbol of Christ's suffering, love and compassion for humanity, qualities He asked us to embrace and exemplify. These qualities are amplified as our awareness reaches higher and higher into Cosmic Christ Consciousness. Merged with the Sacred Heart we find the symbol for OM, the Sacred Sound of God in Hinduism, Buddhism and other belief systems, the first vibration that resonated outward and created our entire universe. All are connected. All are one. As we center ourselves in LOVE, a halo brightens and glows around our head, a beautiful pattern of gold and white light, universally recognized. Above us flies the dove of peace, a symbol of the Holy Spirit (in whatever words you would choose to describe it), the animating force we first felt when we found OM, when we remembered that the sacred lies within us and all around us, in our garden of bliss, where we meet the Beloved, where WE ARE ONE.

"It is now I see and feel that calling once again to be part of a music that will not just connect, but make all feel ONE, one in joy, one in pain, one in love, one in service and in consciousness." ~ Michael Jackson 2009

You are in need of nothing...

You are in need of nothing, no thing, to be spiritual or to have a spiritual experience. There is no prerequisite. You do not have to purchase anything in order to connect with Source. You do not need to find the right house or job or read the perfect book before you can live from your soul. There is nothing to wait for and nothing to possess. Candles and incense and beads may be pretty, but they are things. You are not (but for this temporary form). YOU ARE AN ETERNAL SPIRIT MADE OF LIGHT AND LOVE! All that you will ever need in order to experience God and 'be spiritual' was within you before you took your first breath. And it will always be. Yesterday. Today. Forever. ♥ We ARE forever. ♥ ~DM / May 20, 2011